A Walkman can’t save ‘All the Freckles in the World’ (2019)

All the Freckles in the World (2019)
Todas las pecas del mundo

As a kids movie, there are a lot of reasons to dislike Yibran Asuad’s All the Freckles in the World. Take your pick: sexualization of 13 year olds, a teacher-student sexual relationship, a sexist affront to women, and last but not least, very little soccer despite a tenuous link to the Mexican National Team at the 1994 World Cup. Writer-Director Yibran Asuad is known for serious work, but it looks like he took this “commercial” job for the paycheck. 

In the story, the diminutive but very unsympathetic José Miguel (Hanssel Casillas) schemes to steal away the gorgeous blond Cristina (Loreto Peralta) from her footballing boyfriend Kenji (Luis de la Rosa). Although he doesn’t play football, Jos challenges Kenji that whoever wins the school tournament also wins Cristina (aha, that’s the link to WC 1994). Along the way, we learn that Jos is not only a bad footballer, he is also a bad friend, a bad inventor, and even a bad boyfriend. In the end, the two forsaken girls are left to each other.

A period piece

Perhaps Asuad justified his plot lines because he positioned this work as a period piece that partially reflected his own youth. Therefore, it is okay to objectify girls and glorify the blue-eyed blonde because he’s thrown in some ancient equipment that the teen actors have never seen before: a Sony Walkman and a cassette rewinder. To further confuse the point, the kids pass around a cassette of music “that will change your life” and yet you never hear the music. It was probably too expensive to get the rights.

Hardly any soccer, plus sequels ahead

There is soccer in this film, but it’s very brief and mostly above the knees. Plus little snippets of WC 1994 on a small TV.

Netflix bought this film after its brief theatrical run in Mexico, probably on the strength of its young stars’ celebrity. Like Amazon, Netflix is so desperate for content that it is picking up some poor international fare.But to me, the most disturbing part of this film is that Asuad is planning a couple of sequels. 

In Spanish with English sub-titles, original title is Todas las pecas del mundo

3 Soccer Movie Mom Rating = 3