A Walkman can’t save ‘All the Freckles in the World’ (2019)

All the Freckles in the World (2019)
Todas las pecas del mundo

As a kids movie, there are a lot of reasons to dislike Yibran Asuad’s All the Freckles in the World. Take your pick: sexualization of 13 year olds, a teacher-student sexual relationship, a sexist affront to women, and last but not least, very little soccer despite a tenuous link to the Mexican National Team at the 1994 World Cup. Writer-Director Yibran Asuad is known for serious work, but it looks like he took this “commercial” job for the paycheck. 

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‘Forbidden Games: The Justin Fashanu Story’ (2017) overlooks assault

Forbidden Games: The Justin Fashanu Story (2017)

Whether you are straight or gay, Forbidden Games documents a story that is tough to watch. As his brother John has noted, if Justin Fashanu had been born 30 years later, he would have been a hero. Instead, Justin’s life story is filled with regret from almost all who knew him.

Stop right there, I’m being as misleading as the film. Justin Fashanu would have been a hero today had he simply been a proud gay man, a black man, and a good footballer.

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‘Land of Storms’ (2014) is not very sexy but the football is okay

Land of Storms (Viharsarok)

The easiest way to describe Land of Storms (Viharsarok) is a Hungarian Brokeback Mountain for soccer players. I confess that I watched this movie at 2x speed because of its slow pace and plethora of homophobic violence.

There are also a lot of sex scenes and even a 3-way, but the scenes aren’t very sexy.

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Yes, it exists — ‘World Cup Car Soccer’ (2006)

World Cup Car Soccer

World Cup Car Soccer is a car soccer movie. This is not like Herbie, though. This DVD is JDM Option International Volume 26 and includes a “world championship” of two Japanese teams of 5 cars each playing car soccer (aka Jidousha soccer). I could only watch about 10 minutes of the 75 minute recording, as it got pretty repetitive. They couldn’t establish a winner until only about 3 cars were still drivable.

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