Categories
Drama

‘Captain’ (2018) belongs in my list of Amazon films not worth your time

Captain (2018)

Jayasurya plays V.P. Sathyan, Captain of the Indian National Team in the 1980s, who committed suicide in 2006 at age 41. First-time Writer-Director Prajesh Sen tells the story of Sathyan’s career, which should have been more recognized and rewarded.

Categories
Kids

A Walkman can’t save ‘All the Freckles in the World’ (2019)

All the Freckles in the World (2019)
Todas las pecas del mundo

As a kids movie, there are a lot of reasons to dislike Yibran Asuad’s All the Freckles in the World. Take your pick: sexualization of 13 year olds, a teacher-student sexual relationship, a sexist affront to women, and last but not least, very little soccer despite a tenuous link to the Mexican National Team at the 1994 World Cup. Writer-Director Yibran Asuad is known for serious work, but it looks like he took this “commercial” job for the paycheck. 

Categories
Documentary

‘Forbidden Games: The Justin Fashanu Story’ (2017) overlooks assault

Forbidden Games: The Justin Fashanu Story (2017)

Whether you are straight or gay, Forbidden Games documents a story that is tough to watch. As his brother John has noted, if Justin Fashanu had been born 30 years later, he would have been a hero. Instead, Justin’s life story is filled with regret from almost all who knew him.

Stop right there, I’m being as misleading as the film. Justin Fashanu would have been a hero today had he simply been a proud gay man, a black man, and a good footballer.

Categories
Drama

‘Land of Storms’ (2014) is not very sexy but the football is okay

Land of Storms (Viharsarok)

The easiest way to describe Land of Storms (Viharsarok) is a Hungarian Brokeback Mountain for soccer players. I confess that I watched this movie at 2x speed because of its slow pace and plethora of homophobic violence.

There are also a lot of sex scenes and even a 3-way, but the scenes aren’t very sexy.

Categories
Drama

The reviews deserve to be harsh for ‘Fondi ’91’ (2013)

Fondi '91 (2013)

Fondi ’91 follows a team of 16 year old Jersey boys who travel to the small town of Fondi, Italy in 1991 to play in a soccer tournament. Some of the boys are very randy and keen to hook up with Italian fillies or stallions. 

Categories
Comedy

Stories collide in flamboyant ‘Kickoff’ (2010)

Kickoff (2010)

Kickoff is about the first game of the season for a man who puts together a 5-man gay team for a Sunday league. He wants his players to act manly like footballers, but instead this flamboyant, very buff crew is far out in left field.

Categories
Kids

‘La Copa de los Sueños’ (2007) a low-budget futbol film

La Copa de Los Suenos (2007)

La Copa de los Sueños, or The Cup of Dreams, or Soccer Dreams is a low-budget soccer film. Shot in Tijuana, the orphans in a children’s home enter a tournament in order to win enough money to pay for the house mom’s brain tumor surgery.

Categories
Documentary

Yes, it exists — ‘World Cup Car Soccer’ (2006)

World Cup Car Soccer

World Cup Car Soccer is a car soccer movie. This is not like Herbie, though. This DVD is JDM Option International Volume 26 and includes a “world championship” of two Japanese teams of 5 cars each playing car soccer (aka Jidousha soccer). I could only watch about 10 minutes of the 75 minute recording, as it got pretty repetitive. They couldn’t establish a winner until only about 3 cars were still drivable.

Categories
Comedy

‘The Other Half’ (2006) one long joke

The Other Half (2006)

The Other Half is a long drawn-out joke. An England fan plans a honeymoon in Portugal so that he can sneak off to England’s three Euro 2004 games. The complication is that his American wife doesn’t even know he’s a soccer fan, and her father has paid for the honeymoon.

Categories
Documentary

Understanding the ‘Lesbians of Buenos Aires’ (2004)

Lesbians of Buenos Aires (2004)

Lesbianas de Buenos Aires is not really a soccer movie. Neither is it a movie that Howard Sterns would salivate over. It is a documentary of interviews of several unrelated 30ish lesbians.

Categories
Kids

‘Big Brother Trouble’ (2000) good soccer but not entertaining

Big Brother Trouble (2000)

Big Brother Trouble is a terribly boring kids movie from Hemisphere Entertainment. An 11 year old boy is infatuated with his new 16 year old neighbor, but he becomes outraged that she is attracted to his big brother, a star soccer player.

Categories
Drama

A young footballing Gary Oldman in ‘The Firm’ (1989)

The Firm (1989)

The Firm was an episode of a BBC TV series in 1989. A young (30 years old) Gary Oldman stars as Bexie — a middle class father, real estate agent, weekend soccer player, and the boss of a hooligan gang.

Categories
Documentary

‘Pele O’Rey’ (1962) a collection of Pelé goals

El Rey Pele (1962)

O Rei Pelé, or Pelé the King, is a good resource, showing Pelé’s life and many goals. As I didn’t become a soccer fan until 1999, I had never seen Pele play except for in the movie Victory.