Tag: R2
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‘Monkey in the Middle’ (2014) has one redeeming grace
This film is a reason to hate Canada—for producing a movie that is such a chore to watch. Monkey in the Middle—or as it’s titled on Netflix, It’s a Zoo in Here—has one redeeming grace. Graham Zusi (known as Saint Zusi to Mexico fans) is the inspiration when the main character takes a free kick.
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Already outdated – ‘Zidane: A 21st Century Portrait’ (2006)
This Zinedine Zidane documentary is not really a soccer movie but is actually a performance piece more suited for an art-house cinema or museum.
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‘Heleno’ (2011) an art film mostly off the pitch
Information about Brazilian great Heleno De Freitas is scanty when compared to Garrincha or Pelé. He was born in 1920 and predated Brazil’s success on the world stage. Heleno won no trophies for his club Botafogo, he played in no World Cups, and so there is no film of his play.
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‘Peloteros’ (2006) a family-unfriendly macho mess
While the DVD title is Street Soccer, Peloteros means ball players, or in this context, footballers. The movie is a coming of age summer tale of six boys in a poor Peruvian neighborhood who enter a tournament to compete against older and semi-pro players.
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‘Sixty Six’ (2006) a miserable tale of Bar Mitzvah woe
Sixty Six is director Paul Weiland’s autobiographical tale of woe about how his Bar Mitzvah was ruined by the nearby England vs Germany WC 1966 Final. In his own words, “It is a very cruel movie”, and he believes it is humorous. But after the boy pins all his self-worth on having a party to…
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‘Sexy Soccer’ (2004) is soft core
Billed as an “erotic comedy”, Sexy Soccer is a Hong Kong soft core pornfilm (original title = Sing gum zhook kao). I was surprised that it was rentable on Netflix, but I guess the erotica is about as revealing as the usual fare on HBO.
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‘The Football Factory’ (2004) makes war without weapons
I almost never watch war movies or dramas, but watching the 2004 British movie The Football Factory was like watching a war movie without weapons.
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‘Kick ‘N Rush’ (2003) egregious coming of age tale
I know I’m in for a bad night when a movie starts off with a masturbation scene. Kick ‘N Rush keeps moving very very slowly down that path and doesn’t get any better.
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‘Just 4 Kicks’ (2002) is deplora-ball times two
Just For Kicks is possibly the worst kids soccer movie ever made. The problem is not the classic underdog plot. The story is nonsensical, and the acting by the Sprouse twins is as wooden as a pair of goal posts.
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‘Home Team’ (1999) is Steve Guttenberg’s Mighty Ducks
Steve Guttenberg is well known for his successful movie franchises, and maybe that’s why he decided to star in his second soccer movie, Home Team. He also has done charity work for foster children, and in this family film, such kids help his character find redemption. The story is pretty much Mighty Ducks on a…
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‘A Major Inconvenience’ (1999) is not a frothy cougar film
A Major Inconvenience follows virginal young Frenchman Laurent, who puts all his energy into soccer. He has a chance to join the pros and thereby elevate his family from their welfare-level existence. But his focus is waylaid by an affair with the mother of the opponent who broke his nose.
