Tag: R3
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‘Zizou the Great’ (2009) a footballer film with no football
Condolences to you if you subscribed to Peacock or Apple TV just to watch Zizou the Great: The Zinedine Zidane Story, an unauthorized Australian documentary about one of the greatest French players. This documentary is so unauthorized that it has absolutely no match footage. If you watch the trailer, that is pretty much the entire…
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‘Greener Grass’ (2019) a lauded absurdist nightmare
I normally don’t research a film before watching it. But I did, and I found an amazing number of reviews praising the 2019 feature film Greener Grass as gloriously twisted, absurdist, surreal, demented, satirical, hilariously deadpan, weird, hysterical and a surprise hit at Sundance.
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‘Onye Egwu’ (2023) is a Nollywood mess
Nollywood, the Nigerian film industry, churns out content in a matter of weeks. Onye Egwu is a film from Uche Jombo studios, and while the production is of fair quality, the story is a mess. There are too many characters with unrelated stories, and the filmmakers tie together the 2 main themes with very thin…
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‘The Soccer Football Movie’ (2022) – weird and unwatchable
The Soccer Football Movie needs a big red alert that warns “Not Suitable for Small Children”. Followed by a second warning that says “Indigestible for Adults”.
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‘Captain’ (2018) is not worth your time
Jayasurya plays V.P. Sathyan, Captain of the Indian National Team in the 1980s, who committed suicide in 2006 at age 41. First-time Writer-Director Prajesh Sen tells the story of Sathyan’s career, which should have been more recognized and rewarded.
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A Walkman can’t save ‘All the Freckles in the World’ (2019)
As a kids movie, there are a lot of reasons to dislike Yibran Asuad’s All the Freckles in the World. Take your pick: sexualization of 13 year olds, a teacher-student sexual relationship, a sexist affront to women, and last but not least, very little soccer despite a tenuous link to the Mexican National Team at…
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‘Forbidden Games: The Justin Fashanu Story’ (2017) overlooks assault
Whether you are straight or gay, Forbidden Games documents a story that is tough to watch. As his brother John has noted, if Justin Fashanu had been born 30 years later, he would have been a hero. Instead, Justin’s life story is filled with regret from almost all who knew him. Stop right there, I’m…
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‘Land of Storms’ (2014) is not very sexy but the football is okay
The easiest way to describe Land of Storms (Viharsarok) is a Hungarian Brokeback Mountain with soccer players. I confess that I watched this movie at 2x speed because of its slow pace and plethora of homophobic violence. There are also a lot of sex scenes and even a 3-way, but the scenes aren’t very sexy.
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The reviews deserve to be harsh for ‘Fondi ’91’ (2013)
Fondi ’91 follows a team of 16 year old Jersey boys who travel to the small town of Fondi, Italy in 1991 to play in a soccer tournament. Some of the boys are very randy and keen to hook up with Italian fillies or stallions.
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Stories collide in flamboyant ‘Kickoff’ (2010)
Kickoff is about the first game of the season for a man who puts together a 5-man gay team for a Sunday league. He wants his players to act manly like footballers, but instead this flamboyant, very buff crew is far out in left field.
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‘La Copa de los Sueños’ (2007) a low-budget futbol film
La Copa de los Sueños, or The Cup of Dreams, or Soccer Dreams is a low-budget soccer film. Shot in Tijuana, the orphans in a children’s home enter a tournament in order to win enough money to pay for the house mom’s brain tumor surgery.
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Yes, it exists — ‘World Cup Car Soccer’ (2006)
World Cup Car Soccer is a car soccer movie. This is not like Herbie, though. This DVD is JDM Option International Volume 26 and includes a “world championship” of two Japanese teams of 5 cars each playing car soccer (aka Jidousha soccer). I could only watch about 10 minutes of the 75 minute recording, as…
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‘The Other Half’ (2006) one long joke
The Other Half is a long drawn-out joke. An England fan plans a honeymoon in Portugal so that he can sneak off to England’s three Euro 2004 games. The complication is that his American wife doesn’t even know he’s a soccer fan, and her father has paid for the honeymoon.
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Understanding the ‘Lesbians of Buenos Aires’ (2004)
Lesbianas de Buenos Aires is not really a soccer movie. Neither is it a movie that Howard Sterns would salivate over. It is a documentary of interviews of several unrelated 30ish lesbians.
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‘Big Brother Trouble’ (2000) good soccer but not entertaining
Big Brother Trouble is a terribly boring kids movie from Hemisphere Entertainment. An 11 year old boy is infatuated with his new 16 year old neighbor, but he becomes outraged that she is attracted to his big brother, a star soccer player.
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A young footballing Gary Oldman in ‘The Firm’ (1989)
The Firm was an episode of a BBC TV series in 1989. A young 30ish Gary Oldman stars as Bexie — a middle class father, real estate agent, weekend soccer player, and the boss of a hooligan gang.
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‘Pele O’Rey’ (1962) a collection of Pelé goals
O Rei Pelé, or Pelé the King, is a good resource, showing Pelé’s life and many goals. As I didn’t become a soccer fan until 1999, I had never seen Pele play except for in the movie Victory.
